Your Child Is Being Bullied

One thing to be wary of is tossing around the word "bully" lightly. What is bullying in your mind? We went around with this in our issue...our personal "bitch" was convinced our daughter was bullying her daughter because they got in a couple spats which never got physical, just two little girls mad at each other. The only real aggression came from the mother of the other girl who took it upon herself to scold my daughter until she ran away, then proceeded to follow her to where she decided to play. Bear in mind these were 7 year old girls. This is all verifiable through school records and witness accounts. Who does that make the bully? I would suggest it is neither of the little girls.

Yet she is insistent about our daughter being a bully, even though her daughter still wanted to play with ours on the playground and where ever else. Not really textbook behavior from a kid that has been bullied to want to keep playing with her abuser, now is it?

It is that experience that brought to my attention the importance on not casually using the word "bully".

Consider these factors when judging what to do.

Is you child being called names and picked on?
Does the "bully" follow your child if your child leaves the scene of the picking?
Are there threats of violence being made?
Has it ever been physical?
Has it ever been seriously physical, such as leaving bruises or other wounds?

Name Calling

Now, in an effort to not belittle any harassment of a child, but still be a realist, if your child is suffering simple name calling, and if the child walks away and it stops, leave it alone, tell your child to stay away and be done with it. Sometimes things like that are simply part of growing up and the child is learning a more valuable long term lesson by simply dealing with it if there is no real threat.

At the end of the day we all know jerks, and learning how to deal with them is not a bad lesson to learn.

Threats and Stalking

If the child is being followed by the bully, or is issues threats against the child and this is recurring, it's time to act. What most parents do, what my parents did, and what we have done, is typically talk to the parents first, two sane, civil parents that are actually both interested in the well being of the kids can work it out. When talking to the parent, be prepared to accept that your child is not perfect, and there may be a side to the story you have not heard that may be true.

If you can't work it out with the parent you may well get a bit better insight into why the kid is the way he/she is. By talking to the parents you can gain insight into the parents style, if both parents are present, their interest level, possible issues with the "bully" that you were unaware that may be trying to work with and fix.

If, however, the parents simply don't care, blame your kid for everything, start threatening you, or some such nonsense, you are kind of stuck. If the problems are happening somewhere else that has supervisors, such as school, you then have the school to go to. School, as we found out, are stupidly politically correct and afraid to take a stand for anyone on anything at higher administration levels. You can demand they get your child in a different class from the "bully" or make some reasonable accommodations. That is their job, but don't expect them to jump up and have your back right off the bat. It won't happen.

Violence

If you are in the unfortunate situation that your child is being the victim of violence, then you do, without a doubt, have a problem. There are still two sides to every story, and you still have to be prepared for the possibility of your child having some blame in provoking such actions, but such actions of violence are still inexcusable and need to be dealt with quickly, if necessary, with legal action. If the parents and/or school don't take the action, the police will, as will the courts in the form of a harassment restraining order. Children can not get or be restrained that I am aware of, but in bad situation, parents can be held liable.

Do what you have to do to protect your own!